Look in the mirror and start something new

Have you ever been embarrassed to tell someone something about yourself? or maybe...admit something to your own self...? why? because others will think something bad of you, see you as less, or stop interacting with you altogether?

YES! That's exactly what I think!! This irrational fear that I don't stand up to what others are supposed to think of me. Its scary and its real, This strong, positive, confident, outgoing woman, Is that really me? Or is it just what I want everyone to see?

The truth is, I am 25, I am divorced,my fiance just left me, I have PCOS and it scares me that I may never have the opportunity to be someone's mom. I am at least 20 pounds over weight and most the time my curly hair that looks so cute in my pictures looks flat and oddly straight in mismatched places on my head. I jump from thing to thing, trust to easily, love to hard and try to change people. This is what I think of me and this is what I am scared others think of me too.

I have a mentor that worked with me on creating Aperture Elite and he ran a meeting on how to overcome fear, he said the first step to overcoming something you are scared of is to look yourself in the face and really see who you are. Once you know who you are, you can see who you are not. You have to confront yourself and get really uncomfortable before change happens.

He would coach me on writing down what I aspired to be and help shed what I did not want to see. If you can look yourself in the mirror and you can appreciate what is reflected back than you can handle any situation that suddenly changes your life, and you can become everything that you want to be. Just by looking in the mirror!

I LOVE writing this blog, I don't even know if anyone but my mom reads it ha ha and I care to much about how many likes I am going to get on Facebook after I publish this. But I love writing for me, I love reading what I write, I need to stop looking at Facebook and start looking in the mirror! I need to start something new for myself.

My goal this week is to spend 5 minutes a day in front of my reflection, while I am putting makeup on or getting dressed I will look myself in that mirror and I will find something I love about me, Because Payten is strong and confident, she loves people so hard and believes in them, She jumps from thing to thing because she is comfortable with being uncomfortable to start something new. She is done with caring what others think of her because it puts this wall of fear on what she could be.

I am starting something new and it starts with loving me.